No drive. Thank you for your wise words. I think it comes out in the form of unmotivation. You can not change him. or is he just getting a free ride…? However, it has come to the point in my life where I am very career driven, I want to get out there and get as much experience as I can, unfortunately my boyfriend does not feel the same way. Intellectual stimulation matters. Your job is to motivate yourself and make yourself into the woman you want to be — keep pursuing your plans and goals for your life! If a man is devoted to you and you are his number one priority, you won’t “have” to draw lines for time spent together. She's been with her boyfriend for 10 years, and they have 2 kids. I completely relate to you 100%. The man wasn’t rude and just asked a question. Love alone CANNOT overcome this. If a man wrote that I wonder how it would be received, there was another post about a millionaire and a woman making 45k $ a year, the latter was talking about how he didn’t want to contribute to her certain spendings. You just don’t know until you put yourself out there. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. He is a full time student that doesn’t go to his classes, works a part time job that he goes and gets off at 640-945 and literally will stay up all night maybe till 6am playing the game. You keep yearning for your man to morph into a person he clearly isn’t. The only person you can change is you. SMART is an acronym that stands for goals that are specific (S), measurable (M), achievable or attainable (A), realistic (R), and timely (T). I love my fiancé with all my heart, but his lack of commitment and problem solving skills frustrate and worry me, his go with the flow nature, is looking more like passive and not assertive behaviour, that I worry has come from suspected years of emotional abuse from his father. Placeholders.enable(); You would like to be able to hold down a conversation with your partner and if your time together goes on with awkward silences when you are out of bed, you are going to have a hard time in a LTR. Who doesn’t? Let people on these forms advise you- but make YOUR OWN mind up. He was more sure of me than I was of him and it made me feel bad. HE has been aggressively but respectfully and subtly trying to reel me in. Ask yourself why it is now and what that means to you and your happiness in life, YOUR happiness not anyone else’s because you have to live with your choices, no one else. A lot of people told me to leave my boyfriend on this post (and friends). Good Sex will cloud clear logical judgement. If I don’t get the money, we wont have the money. If he loves you he will take steps to change. I want us to be able to save and build so that one day we can live comfortably, to buy a house and raise children in. The reason for this was because I couldn’t get my study done when he was around as I almost felt bad for not giving him attention. Real men don’t “worship” you, they protect you. We don’t push each other for greatness. However, it has come to the point in my life where I am very career driven, I want to get out there and get as much experience as I can, unfortunately my boyfriend does not feel the same way. i told him that he can do anything and i will help, his family isnt there for him, so why should he get mad at me for trying to motivate him and wanting the best for him? And how come we can go for marriage? I told him that he knew how I find it hard to concentrate and I was just trying to enjoy the movie. I don’t know what this means for us. Hopefully this is a glimpse in to the future for you. He knows that Wendy's friends will all be attending the same college, so, he concocts a plan … https://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/when-to-give-up-on-a-relationship/, This is great stuff i dont know how i got to this platform but ive just realised i need help .. He made few mistakes when was young which r hunting him now. If you don’t think he has what it takes to provide you the life ultimately want, then release him back to the dating pool. If we are seeking help then we are on the right path. His goals will be a job. Here’s one way to decide what to do: what will you regret more, when you look back on your life? They don’t change. In my opinion, when sending him back to his parents you are helping him to be back in the life you don’t agree with, just because you could not keep your focus on your own goals (and this is on you). So there continues to be a resentment there that I am dealing with. Although, my mum did say if I felt he was right for me, it wouldn’t bother me what anyone else thought. Instead of taking the initiative to improve his job skills, he blamed me for his situation. This is the biggest problem overall :(. She has become friendly with a married man, and started flirting. This is the reason that I won’t marry him. However, he has no plans to work toward his own. I realized the impact my constant criticizing had on my bf. This is precisely a compatibility issue. Anything i want i work to get it. He would just sit reading/hanging around all day but even though we openly talked about this problem in our relationship he doesn’t seem to know what he wants to do yet or try research careers etc without a push from me. As another person indicated, it’s not his bad habits that she has issues with, she has issues with who this man is at his core. Guy B: he's carefree, likes to live life to it's fullest, carpe diem. I felt confused. I could accomplish a lot more without him… but to do it alone… that just sounds lonely and depressing.. do I wait for him to mature and get his act together? He doesn’t want to go anywhere unless it’s to a bar with his buddies. I know you love him… nut you will never be able to convince him to see things your way. I hope this in someone lets you know you are not alone, and if anything help you to consider some things that maybe you haven’t, I’d love to hear what you think. This reader also says: “Finishing college and having a career along with a family is my number one priority and something I am working hard for,” she says. I understand that your family hasn’t conceptualized their values either, so it’s not something you would have learned from them. His daughter Wendy will be attending college in the fall, and he feels the crowd she's hanging out with has no ambition, especially her boyfriend, Bart. (function(d){var s=d.createElement('script');s.type='text/javascript';s.src='https://a.omappapi.com/app/js/api.min.js';s.async=true;s.dataset.campaign='endytt71cnhwpihlcnb9';s.dataset.user='15398';d.getElementsByTagName('head')[0].appendChild(s);})(document); Evan—this was a GREAT answer to her question!!!! She has no goals or ambitions to get ahead in life. Bit I remember then, being like what are you gonna do? You dont understand. wants because she keeps coming back to this poor guy. Send him home to mommy and daddy, get yourself a Womanizer Toy and get studying! Being attached to a partner who isn’t ambitious doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be held back…but your boyfriend’s lack of ambition will affect on you. I broke up with him briefly, I can’t imagine my life with out him. Especially, because he was socially awkward, they wondered how he would be able to get a job. Her lack of ambition, drive and goals can just really bum me out, and it’s getting to the point where even though I love her it’s not healthy for either of us. Again, he downs himself about college. However, we have been in a relationship for 10 years now. But he’s currrently just playing games allday, and doesnt make any move at all towards this goal in relationship, and goal for himself. He doesn't want to start saving for a house because he will inherit his mothers anyway. Go with strong—always. I get nothing. You and your boyfriend should take the test. And that marriage is now in the past tense because as I grew, he did not. Not necessarily gold diggers but want an equal levels of achievement. You want HIM to change – be different improve, in your eyes be more like you. Not only that but I have to deal with his smoking habit and the anger he has towards his work & people he doesn’t like. To all the ladies who can relate to the OPs dilemma, please remember, no ambition/professional drive does NOT mean idle and lazy. Which is why giving advice on such individual matters is somewhere between impossible and pointless. These tips are inspired by a reader who asked for relationship advice about her boyfriend. He apologized on several occasions and promised he was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. In a way I feel it does not really show that I trust God and that He is a good father. But un-moveable in that everything is too dangerous, too expensive, and un-attainable. With all of this he is not motivated to go obtain work training, or ever consider looking for a another job. He is in the exact same position as he was back then – he hasn’t even taken a vacation outside his city. 2) Is it realistic to think that you can find a worldly, professional man who is as kind and compatible as your current boyfriend? Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. die.noemi@gmail.com. I have tried making him see the benefits when it comes to setting goals etc but he is just not interested. i would appreciate it. I say this because i have been the woman on the other end of this. I’m 47 years old and my partner is 1 1/2 younger than me. Would she be alone forever? Focus on your own path, and let your boyfriend find his. We can feel alone in this darkness. I wouldn’t be picky about his career field of choice but at the rate it’s going I’ll never see him in a 6 o’clock loosened tie… which is a huge turn on for me. And we do have to compromise all the time. He would never really make eye contact and when he answered it would be a really short response. You can be ambitious in a sense that you just want to be somebody because you are not satisfied with the person you are… or you can be someone who is satisfied with themselves and their “ambitions” is being a kind person and true to themselves. He pays no bills at this mother’s house and can’t help me if I am in a bind. I have a lot that I am bringing to the table but he has nothing! he may have 6 credits if hes … The trust was broken about nice months ago I found he was still drinking and using drugs when he told me he wasn’t. 3. I think there is a lot of insight to be had from asking why has a woman who describes herself as a go-getter stayed with such a man for 10 years, even going back to him after a 4 year break. You need to find a mate that you love and accept unconditionally, and respect. He is a gamer and that is all he does when he is not working.it is all he talks about! I’m a nursing student with 4 months left in the program and he works a regular minimum wage job. We dont EVER want to have to do it over again. I confronted him about this and he said it’s my headset that’s the problem and he doesn’t hear me. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. That’s when he got angry. 30! I’m so unhappy waiting out this year with no progress from him and I’m being dragged along with his laziness now so should I try to wait a few more months to see change or should I leave now???? Ever tried it once, but I came back for him. He worships me. Why Get Married When Most Marriages End In Divorce? I just count my blessings and try to focus on the blessings.I am afraid that I will get hurt, or won’t find anyone better. Love does not conquer all. No one is perfect, but I love my fiancé and our relationship and that’s what counts. I don’t know if he is carries anger from his past or what. The guy has “loser” written all over him! He seems content with his situation and has no motivation to improve his life or become independent, other than moving in with me eventually. Good things take work and time. Now we see there are possibilities and less closed doors. He has a bad attitude. I make more than he does. So before I get into talking about him, let’s talk about you. So, since coming back home from my trip, I’ve felt more and more confused. you knew he wasn't ambitious but figured you could love it our of him or that it might not be a problem or that someday he will become ambitious when things get tough, but it's ok bc you're in loooovvveeeee. im waiting a few months.. but i feel like im waisting my time. You don't say how this makes you feel, but as you are asking if you should break up it sounds like you are not happy about this. Forget the job, sounds like he’s not motivated to keep his relationship either. Since an awful 2019, 2020 bf has been stepping it up! I’m 33 nearly 34, engaged to a kind, funny and intelligent man, who works as a government lawyer. While I acknowledge that, I feel he is not being the partner I deserve. However, I tried so hard to talk to him, just as we’ve talked many times before, but he didn’t say much. I was really surprised at my boyfriend’s reaction though. Your children need to learn that if they choose a behavior, they choose the consequences. Why would he learn to do those difficult things if you’ll just do them for him? I would take him in a heart beat!!! he cant even afford to take basic care of himself like afford to eat properly-so i feel sorry for him and compromise my own life!
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